Derek's enthusiasm to bring back the stocks, corporal punishment etc. ...
A lively, humerous debate took place in my local drinking establishment yesterday addressing such issues. I must confess that much of the debate was alcohol induced, so perhaps a clear headed contribution from Derek and Tom wouldn't go amiss?
We believe that our proposed "SOS" party might appeal to the law-abiding sections of society. "SOS" does suggest "help" after all, doesn't it? Unfortunately, at the moment, "SOS" stands for "Shoot on Sight"! For example, our proposed manifesto suggests the random placement of snipers at such terrible crime hot spots as places where inconsiderate drivers turn right at major junctions despite road signs demanding otherwise. Offenders would run the risk of being shot for such outrageous breaches of the law. OK, it may seem rather strict, but we figure once word got around people would stop doing it.
How does this relate to knotting, you may well ask? Well, there is the option of public flogging using the cat o' nine tails (is that decorative or practical, Derek?). The problem with flogging criminals, as opposed to shooting them, may be construed as "going soft on crime", so that is still under discussion.
"Three strikes and you're out" was also proposed. Let me explain - to err is human after all, and youngsters in particular might inadvertantly fall in with the wrong crowd. So, perhaps the first offence does not warrant being shot, the second offence is getting close, but three offences ... sorry, it's all over, matey! The first offence might be punished by a public flogging, and the "perp" could be paraded before the baying crowd with his hands tied behind his back with a simple handcuff knot, before being thrashed with the cat? Naturally, the criminal would be forced to construct his own cat o' nine tails, so teaching knots even to crooks is possible. See - knots and politics do mix!
Any suggestions for additions to the mainfesto gratefully received, especially if we can incorporate a knot or two!
By the way, how long do you think it takes to hang a condemned person? A story about Albert Pierrepoint, our most famous hangman ...
Albert entered the condemned cell, accompanied the condemned man through a door into his place of execution. Albert's accomplice tied the man's feet together, put a hood over his head and stood him over the trapdoor. Albert then pushed the lever (yes, pushed, not pulled) and the man dropped to his death.
How long did this process take, from entering the cell to the death of the condemned man? Read on ...
Pierrepoint's record was approximately 8, YES EIGHT, seconds!!!!!!
Phil